Eighteen things I thought about the Hunger Games movie, in order of thinking them.

Spoilers!  Maybe!  I don’t know!

  1. I hope this movie is good.  I mean, I hope it’s not boring or embarrassing or anything.  Whatever, it’s at the local, we’re going.
  2. There are more people in this theater than I’ve seen in this theater since…well, ever.  Also, that dude just yelled something at one of the trailers.  This is going to be like that time I saw Species on opening night at Lincoln Center, isn’t it?  All riiiiiiight.
  3. That’s the wrong font.  (Actually, wife said this.  But she was right.)
  4. Jennifer Lawrence is sort of awesome.  White, but awesome.  I wonder if they skewed District Twelve Appalachian because of her Winter’s Bone associations.  I’m probably overthinking.
  5. Elizabeth Banks WHOAH.
  6. I am loving the utilitarian survival clothes.  Chambray and leather!  I am also seeing plenty of these clothes on Pinterest already, as well as lots of Katniss braids.  I am wondering if I can rock that.  I am thinking I will try.
  7. Hi, Woody!  I remember when you were the goofy kid on Cheers!  Now you’re the alcoholic shell of a former champion, embittered by the hypocritical excesses of the society that surrounds you!  Strangely, you’re also likable and funny.  And you can punch people with your feet.
  8. Dammit, Lenny Kravitz, stop winning me over!  With your flawless gold eyeliner and awesome hair and your free and easy affection.  You are a clever counterpoint to Katniss’s otherwise fraught relationships with menfolk.  Which are the least interesting things in this story, for me.
  9. Those are some realistic wounds, for once.  Yiiikes.
  10. That Rue kid is pretty clean, for someone who’s been living in the trees for three days.  She’s also, apparently, magical.  Suzanne, I know you had good intentions and you didn’t even really make Katniss white…but isn’t it lame how this stuff always seems to play out?
  11. I am just now realizing that I don’t actually remember how this thing ends.
  12. Man, that is a lot of dead kids.
  13. Peeta, that is some Bob Ross-caliber work on your rock-and-bark disguise.  Decorated some cakes, my ass!  You are an ARTIST.
  14. It strikes me as slightly hand-wavy to say that a dictatorship willing to publicly murder innocent children in an eternal punishment cycle would allow itself to be undermined by a spontaneous Romeo-and-Juliet plot by a couple of seventeen year-old upstarts.  Just sayin’.  Please don’t stone me.
  15. Lucien’s beard cracks me up.  I find myself wondering what kind of tiny shaving tools were necessary to accomplish the effect.
  16. Re: Muttants, I think they did the best they could, given where we are with CGI budgets these days.  They reminded me of the Rat Things from Snow Crash.  Sad, pit-bully constructs.
  17. That dress they put Katniss in, in the final interview.  HORRIBLE.  I know, it’s supposed to be.  But still.  MY EYES MY EYES.
  18. I wonder how they’re going to end this…oh.  It ended.

Mostly, I thought it was better than I expected it to be.  And I thought Suzanne Collins must be a pretty happy woman.  Not just because of the crazy enthusiasm of the fans and the huge success of the books, but because how amazing must it be, to see your book made into a movie?  Even more, to see it made into a pretty good movie, pretty true to your vision, with actual actors and a promotion budget?  It must feel sort of like winning the Hunger Games.

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2 responses to “Eighteen things I thought about the Hunger Games movie, in order of thinking them.

  1. that guy’s beard drove me crazy….i don’t know why i found it so powerfully irritating and distracting the whole movie

  2. I like your version of Hunger Games better than the movie. I’m not sure how I failed to be bedazzled by this onscreen world, but I spent a lot of time admiring Lenny Kravitz’s gold eyeliner and trying to figure out how they made Lucien’s beard so cool. I want to try that at home, but not on myself…

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